Five By Five

Preparation - Supernatural Story

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 03:06:15 GMT

A Supernatural Story:

Summary: “It isn’t for you to understand. You got what you wanted. I came to say, this,” He gestured between himself and the other, “Is even now. Done. Equal trade, just what we said".....A deal made. A promise kept. A decision final.

Disclaimer – I own nothing related to SPN.

A/N – This has been buzzing in my head for a very, very long time. I’ve finally penned it and am fairly happy with the end result. There are no spoilers, per say, but if you haven’t seen second half of season 3, you will be confused. Please enjoy!

Preparation

He’d waited until the dead of night, when it was darkest before dawn and the moon hung low in the sky, and the air carried silence. He’d always been patient and waiting wasn’t exactly a new thing. The day had been long and tension filled, undisguised angst, anxiety had perforated the waking hours. Sleep came unbidden and fought hard for dominance. It had been a valiant but useless struggle – days past had exhausted and weighed heavily.

Slipping across the room cloaked in night, he gripped the cool brass knob and eased the door open. A creak saw him freeze and cast a dubious glance to the unconscious form of his brother. He waited. A breath. Then another. Nothing. Still sleeping. Exhaling silently, he manoeuvred out the door between heartbeats and tugged it gently shut. Now out of the room, the desire to creep ebbed away and he stood erect. His feet were too loud on the gravel and every breathe felt like a yell, daring to disturb the dreaming hours.

Finally, he reached his destination.

The neon sign buzzed loudly, announcing hot coffee with only four lit letters. He winced as the bell jingled above the door, though there was nobody to disturb here. He slid into the booth across from a waiting party and a sleepy waitress up-turned a cup and saucer before filling it with coffee and taking his to-go order.

“You did what I asked.” His voice was low, a soft timbre in the over-bright room.

“Yeah, well, we had a deal. I still don’t understand it though.”

“It isn’t for you to understand. You got what you wanted. I came to say, this,” He gestured between himself and the other, “is even now. Done. Equal trade, just what we said.” The waitress returned and set his packages down before disappearing again.

“Yeah, yeah. I got my obnoxious writer and you got your "real" death. Come on though, you have to tell me.”

A gulp of coffee was swallowed and a deep sigh heard.

“It was what needed to be done, so that what has to be done will be done. I wanted - needed…to prepare him.”

I need your help.

Help with what?

Help with Sam. The way you stuck that demon tonight? It was pretty tough. Sam's almost there, but not quite. You need to help me get him ready. For life without you. To fight this war on his own.

“But why this way?”

“It was the only way. When I'm gone, he needs to fight. Be strong. Be prepared.”

He stood then, tossing some bills on the table and collecting the Styrofoam containers.

He turned, then paused.

“Thanks.”

He slunk back to the motel, head high and heart heavy.

It was the only way – he’d done the right thing.

Dawn filtered through the curtains as the fluttered in the breeze of the opening door. The no-longer-sleeping form of Sam sat up suddenly, tensed, before his muscles softened and he knuckled sleep from his eyes.

“Dean?”

“Hey Sammy.”

He set the containers on the so-called table and opened them up, pancakes staring up at him. As he opened the plastic utensil packets, he thought of the man- no,not man, trickster - he'd left in the diner undoubtedly dousing his own breakfast in strawberry syrup.

“I got breakfast.”

------------------

Well, I hope you enjoyed that and that you were able to understand the context of the story.

TV Boyfriend

Wed, 13 Feb 2008 21:25:04 GMT

Who is Your Ideal TV Boyfriend?

Created by BuddyTV

Positivity

Tue, 12 Feb 2008 02:36:05 GMT

Today, I've made the decision that from now on, things will be divided into two categories - things I can control; and things I can't control.

I cannot control the weather - cursing as I chisel my car out of the drive way every morning accomplishes nothing but starting the day in a foul mood. I cannot control traffic - the man in the silver volvo who just cut me off cannot hear my purple reprimands, nor do they concern him. I cannot control my co-workers, who slack off and stretch their 15 minutes breaks to 45 minutes after showing up late to the office. I cannot control the sexual orientation of the beautiful blue-eyed boy who caught my eye. I cannot control the ignorant, prejudice ramblings of certain people in my life - they've no use for the censors courteous people apply to their thoughts before they become speech. These are the things I cannot control, the list is very long - but what is more important are the things I can control.

I can control my approach to each new day. I can control the organization (or lack there of) that permeates my environment and workspace. I can control my academic dedication and the energy I put into my studies. I can control whether or not I work out. I can control the food that I eat and the clothes I wear and the colour that decorates my nails. I can control who I choose to associate with. I can control which arguement I wish to engage in and they opinions I will offer in those arguements. I can control my life - and this is perhaps the most important realization I've made in the last week.

Recent events forced me to evaluate certain elements of my life that were poisoning my world. A particular relationship in my life has always been tumultuous, negative and draining. It is a relationship that I have decided to actively end, to no longer participate in. Though I cannot cut this person from my life in the traditional fashion that a friend could be exiled, I can choose not to pursue further interaction with them and that is what I have done. I was forced to make a choice between my future, academically and professionally that is, and furthering this relationship and frankly my future has much more to offer me.

This is the right decision, I know that - my life already feels lighter and looks brighter than it did one week ago. Positivity is a choice, an active decision that we must engage in each and everyday and remind ourselves of often. Make the choice.

XOXO
Elle

Drama, Drama, Drama

Sat, 02 Feb 2008 06:08:10 GMT

"Love is patient, love is kind. Love is slowly losing your mind."

These illustious words are credited to Kevin "Angry-Marriage-Hater" Doyle played by the wonderful James Marsden in 27 Dresses, and frankly, truer words there have never been. While I can't speak to actually being in love, the process of finding it is certainly enough to send anyone 'round the proverbial bend.

In my 19+ years of existance, I have learned that relationships are elusive and fickle creatures. Even friendships aren't simple things. They involve a serious amount of time, devotion and, most importantly - trust. Yeah, there's a scary word. And families? The group of people you are (typically) surrounded by from birth with whom you allegedly share a bond beyond bonds, forged through blood and time. Right - as if this is actually a real thing. I'm sure some of you out there have those picturesque, white-picket-fence-two-point-five-kids-and-a-dog clans; I've even met some of those people. But really? Even these relationships are an inordinate amount of work.

So what, you must be asking, has promted this sermon of cynicism on relationships? Well, I just discovered that my beautiful blue-eyed boy and I have something in common - our taste in dates, if you get my drift. This information, which I procured only yesterday, was a crushing blow. My relationship prospects are very limited and I was this close to asking BE for coffee (or tea, which is his drink of choice). Really, I'm not that shocked - there were signs and I'd wondered, but I am sad none the less. This revelation, at about 6 p.m. Thursday led me into a coma of incredulity for about an hour, at which point the loneliness struck.

You see, as long as I was focused on this crush and its potential, life was good, I could put a person in my daydreams of dates and hand-holding. Now I am just aware of my acute oneness. I don't have many friends - largely because that T-R-U-S-T thing is an issue for me. My BFF, well that's how I classify her, sometimes I feel like I just annoy her and she wishes I'd go away. I'm often hurt by the things she says (or doesn't) even though I know that I shouldn't be. Don't get me wrong, I love her to death and when we hang out and chat, its good. But I often wonder - what does anybody really know about me? I call her my best friend but that somehow implies an intimate exchange of information that hasn't entirely taken place. For example, she doesn't have a clue that my greatest fear in life is that I will end up entirely alone. Or that when she asks if I mind her BF tagging along on our outings, I can't say no because I don't know how to tell her that watching them together makes me sad; makes me wish for my own tag-along BF. Somehow I become the 3rd wheel. She's even mentioned to me that they don't act all love-dovey together, that were all friends. The truth is, they act lovey-dovey alright. And I'm miserably jealous.

I am trying to move past this mood of melancholy. I worked out and listened to empowering (and, admittedly somewhat angry chick) music, and then lost myself in Lost. I feel better today, despite what the diatribe above might indicate. Now that I have this information about Blue-Eyes, I am determined to pursue a friendship with him. I know that he is a nice guy, from watching him interact with others. Also, I`ve never had a male friend before (aside from the BFF`s BF, which somehow doesn`t count the same way).

Where does one meet love? I'm not exactly a bar fly or social whore - work and school are pretty much it. I don't even know how to talk to guys (which is why, you see, I need a male friend - for perspective).

Drama, drama, drama.

Thanks for enduring my mini-rant.

XOXO
Elle

A View From the Top

Mon, 07 Jan 2008 03:23:10 GMT

Well, I haven't posted in a while and this will be my last post for sometime (again).

First - to my Zikki Chickies - I am going offline again until April when the semester is over. I'd hoped to have more time over the break to hang at FF but alas, the universe had other plans. So, darlings, I bid you audei until the spring!

I am riding high right now. My BFF is back tomorrow after two weeks in Florida (she ditched me at Christmas time *sniff*) and I am super excited to see her!! Also, the winter semester commences tomorrow and I am already DONE, yes DONE, the lectures for three of my five classes. I cannot convey my elation at starting the semester this far ahead of the game.

Friday I started working at an office, volunteering rather, in order to gain experience for grad school applications (scary thoughts!!) and it was wonderful. I think I will have a beautiful new home there.

Finally, tomorrow also marks the start of my new, clean eating and resuming my life style overhaul (it stalled out during exams, you see). I've been refreshed, re-energized and re-prioritized and I'm rarin' to go!

So, dear readers, I wish you all a wonderful 2008 - I hope everyone's is looking as bright and shiny as mine.

As always,
XOXO,
Elle

2008 To-Do

Sat, 15 Dec 2007 06:44:05 GMT

Well I've done it. I've survived the semester, the assignments and the exams and have emerged relatively unscathed.
But have I really?
What have I witnessed in the last few months since the onset of autumn? I will admit it, I've been lacking, slacking even. Allowed the meeting of my obligations to slip from over-and-above to merely satisfactory. And this is not satisfactory. I have dreams and goals to achieve, some sooner than others. It's time to get it together.

So, as the boss of this operation, I'll be doing some reorganization within the company that is me, letting the more serious, determined, driven side back in the driver's seat, since the relaxed, loose side has kind of let me down. Not completely mind you; school work hasn't suffered the way it could have - but some aspects could have been so much more than they were.

I feel like its time for a refresher. For so long I struggled with finding me and learning to be comfortable with her. This last little while I feel like I've become more secure in who I am and what I want in life. My little semester of fun and free wheelin' (shout-out to my HS girls!) did do me some good - I've learned to be less uptight about certain things.

I also feel more in control. This is difficult to explain. Before this time of revalation, as I'll call it, I was externally confident and collect but inside? I was lonely and confused and somewhat miserable. How often did I entertain the horror that this would be where my life would end? Not death - certainly not what I mean. But, I thought, what if this was it? What if I didn't make it? What if I was stuck in this period of my life for all eternity - alone and unhappy?

These questions seem to have evaporated in recently. I don't know what it was exactly, but I feel confident in my ability to control my future. I make the choices, choose the destination - and only me. I think this new year will be the best one yet. Shall I share with you my to do list for 2008? I opt not to call it a list of resolutions - because those are never met, at least not in my world. But my to-do lists? Those, I take seriously. I live for crossing things off. Motivates me to keep going.

So, here is my 2008 To-List (effective....right now.)

1. Make the Dean's list
2. Keep my personal space organized, neat and clean
3. Implement and stick to Clean-living Lifestyle
4. Dance
5. Begin weight training again - and stick to it!
6. Stay ahead of class work
7. Obtain and exhaust a Y membership
8. Budget
9. Get more sleep
10. Appreciate each and everyday

There it is - my to-do's. Now, the reason I'm sharing this isn't because I'm self-centred and like to see my words in public (though I do, hehe) but rather, I feel if I share my intentions with the world (because what is the internet if not a global forum?) then I am 110X more likely to follow through. I'm not ready to share this list with anyone close to me in real life - since they tend to get that indulgent, patronizing "right, of course you will" look and seem to supress their urges to pat me on the head.

Here's to a successful new year and the betterment of me!

XOXO
Elle

Hell Week

Sun, 09 Dec 2007 05:08:17 GMT

No word can more succinctly, more accurately describe the past week than this: hell. I know, we all have bad days, good days, bad weeks, good weekends - but by all accounts this one sucked. There are a multitude of reasons for this apt description of the last 7 or so days.

To begin with, the entirety of last weekend was spend preparing for my first exam of the semester (which, I am pleased to report - I did well on). On it's own, no it wasn't horrible - merely the duty of any half-way dedicated university student entering the end-of-semester rush that is December. The weekend also consisted of the worst snow storm we've seen here (this winter, that is) - an as a new driver it is somewhat disconcerting when the car begins to rotate instead of stop at the octagonal red sign on the corner. So the weekend - not peachy, not horrific in and of itself.

Monday rolled by in a haze of study notes, multiple choice questions and slushy roads. The bright part of the evening was when my brand new iPod arrived via UPS. The downside of this was the four hours I spent trying to get it to work on my wonderfully Vista laptop.

Tuesday was work, and then more studying in the evening. At least, that was the plan. Per the usual, the plan didn't go according to. Instead, I was an observer of world war three as my father and bro had an all out roe. Screaming, yelling, pushing, swearing - to utter mortification, in front of a guest, no less. It was not peaceful, nor was it conducive to studying. I was once again relegated to household mediator and intervned before the fight escalated. Everyday, the desire to leave my family and never look back is a little bit stronger. If only for that cursed financial situation which is relative poverty then I probably would be long gone. Miraculously, I accomplished a great deal on Tuesday.

As sleep eluded me Tuesday night, I was awake to watch the red numbers of my clock flick to the designated alarm-going-off-time and then watch as it flipped to the next moment, not an annoying beep or buzz to be heard. Stupid clock. Good thing I was awake anyways. Work was busy, as usual on Wednesdays and that night I had to cram in the last few hours of notes.

Thursday - the precursor to exam-weekend-extravaganza! Thursday was spent learning the intimate details of the Gutksan people; the death practices of the British and founder of the participant obeservation study in an effort to prep for my cultural anthropology exam. Hours upon hours of facts and detailed living accounts - all while pouring coffee down my throat. At midnight I gave into the hunger and called for pizza (after 5 cups of coffee and a frapaccino). The charming man on the other end of the line was ever so sweet as he tried to for phone-fornication and the subsequent heavy-breathing calls later that evenings. Didn't add to my stress level in anyway. Nope. Not one bit.

Finally, Friday was here. My first exam was that afternoon and I met the BFF for studying and lunch/coffee/afternoon snack (11-3:30 p.m.) after her 9 a.m. exam so we could prep together for 4 p.m. The day started wonderfully as I came finished paying at the gas station and discovered my locks were frozen, trapping my cell phone and laptop on the front seat. After 15 minutes of struggle, a good samaratin offered his assistance and I was on my way to campus. Fortunatly, I've come to expect such delays due to (bad) luck and always allot enough time for traffic and crisis. After the 20 minute icy trek from car to campus, BFF and I settled in for a long afternoon of cramming knowledge into our heads.

I can't say how the exam went, as I felt good about parts and clueless about others. Who knows. I've already calculated that if I fail the exam I pass the class anyways, and I am pretty confident I didn't fail. No time to dwell though, as I raced home (after the aforementioned icy trek back to the car - now with wet feet and getting stuck behind an idiot who thought both red and green meant stop and sit through the light 8 times in a row!) to prepare for the TWO exams I had today.

Saturday - oh how I used to enjoy them. I started today by writing six, that's right, six essays for my philosophy exam and wondering how many more sentences I could scrawl before my hand actually detached from my body. Then it was back with the BFF to cram for German Culture Studies. I don't know how much I retained - regardless, the prof gave misleading information about the exam and what to study. I am confident that I bullsh**ted pretty well through the (3) essays I had on this one.

And now, my loyal readers - if any of you are left after this long, winded recap of my week - I am sitting at my uncle
s house at 12 a.m. after days of too much coffee and too little sleep, to mind my cousin while they Christmas-party. I don't begrudge them or anything, it's just the exhaustion talking.

I have one exam next week - my last one, but it's bookended by two great days - coffee and Chapters with my aunt and, of course, HAIRSPRAY the MUSICAL. Hopefully I'll have come out of my exam-induced coma by Wednesday.

The one, but powerful, redeeming feature of Hell-Week?

It. Is. Over.

XOXO
Elle

How Evil Am I?

Thu, 06 Dec 2007 22:39:47 GMT

You Are 12% Evil

You are good. So good, that you make evil people squirm.
Just remember, you may need to turn to the dark side to get what you want!

How Evil Are You?

Yea, okay. This quiz didn't ask the right questions...definately not that pure.
Back to studying now!
XOXO
Elle

Party Hearty

Mon, 26 Nov 2007 02:04:32 GMT

Hello my dear readers, all two of you.
It has been a while since my last entry and I wanted to take a moment between assignments and midterms to update.

So, last Saturday I went to my company Christmas party, even though my "date", my co-worker Jill ditched me. (I've forgiven her though, aren't I nice?). It wasn't what I expected. It was held at a local hotel, decorated nicely enough. However, it was largely a couple event and I was missing the other half of a couple. The music was atrocious, the food cold, drinks beyond expensive, the speeches were long and the new company head, whom until this point had come across in email as a great, funny guy; told a number of tasteless jokes at the expense of his wife and made some references that were only amusing to the execs and not us lowly pleebs. I left earlyish, after dinner and as the music/dancing was starting. One of the women sitting with us, K we'll call her, her husband of 25 years (who also works for the our company) had just left her for a younger, also married woman we'll call Trash McHobag (she too works at our company). At one point in the evening K left our table because she'd been upset by something and needed air. My best girlfriend, there with her BF, turned to me and said, rather thoughtlessly, that it must be hard to attend these events alone. Internally, I replied that yea, it really was. To her I said it probably was, as though I had know idea. I think she realized what she said though, from the look she gave me, trying to read my reaction to the comment. I changed the subject, but the evening was officially over for me. The comment, though unintentional, had summoned up the feelings of loneliness that on occasion threaten to overwhelm me and I had to leave. From what I understand, no one else stayed much longer, so I wasn't out of place in my leaving.

Yesterday, I went to the afformentioned BFF's 20th birthday party, which wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. Don't get me wrong, I love the girl, but aside from her brother and her BF, I knew nobody else on the guest list and parties/crowds aren't my thing to begin with. I ended up staying much longer than I expect and it wasn't horrible. I actually had an okay time. Who knew. Despite the fact that I didn't have a drop of alcohol last night, I woke up today with a migraine from hell

So, I have exactly one week of classes left and then I am DONE. Well, actually exams start and then I am really done. Thank goodness. I am so wiped. I have two papers and a midterm this week and I couldn't get myself to do any of the things I needed to get done this weekend. Guess I'll have some late nights this week. December 13th or Freedom '07 as I've taken to calling it, is coming ever closer and I'll be rejoining my zikki buds at FF. To all my American friends, happy belated Thanksgiving - sorry it's late, I always have trouble remembering your Thanksgiving is in the middle of the week, I feel like it's on the weekend instead. Hope you had a good one!

Bought my Hairspray DVD the second it was on sale (well, not quite, but you know). I LOVE the special features, especially the alternate version of YCSTB - it was so funny! Haven't watched all of them yet, but it is definately at the top of my to-do list (right under finished the semester without failing, lol). Also bought a new iPod Nano- should be coming in the mail this week - I am super excited about it! I can now download shows and such - this is eggsellent (a la Mr. Burns, of course). Well, I'd better go now, the grindstone is calling my name. After all, essays won't write themselves (but that'd be awesome if they did).

XOXO
Elle

Writer's Block: Pickup Artist

Thu, 15 Nov 2007 04:35:19 GMT

What's the worst pickup line you've ever heard?

View 500 Answers

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven, angel?

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

One of "Those" Days

Mon, 12 Nov 2007 01:33:46 GMT

I was suppose to go to a party on Friday night. My friend was being emailed the direction by another co-worker, who happens to DJ and organize house parties. I thought he'd email them to me too, since he was dogged about asking if I'd show up. I didn't give him a definite answer, because I didn't know. But I really, really wanted to go. I was excited at the prospect. This was big for me - I usually hate parties. He didn't email them to me though. And my friend didn't call. I should have taken it for a sign as to what the rest of the weekend would hold.

Saturday was one those days. You know the ones I mean - those days where more crappy things are jammed into your waking hours than you ever thought possible. I feel like I've had one of those weekends.
I started off the day well enough, eager (yea right) to get a jump start on studying for the two midterms I have Monday. Got up insanely early for a Saturday - the first one I haven't worked in forever, I might add - and hauled my cute self over to Starbucks - the addiction of choice. Things were going well, my family was in abscentia so I opted to spread out at the kitchen table instead of being crammed into my closet-sized room.

I should have stayed in the closet-room. Maybe then I wouldn't have overheard the two men on the street screaming at each other. Maybe I wouldn't have gone to the window and watched in horror as one man lunged at the other, wrapping his hands around the other's throat. Maybe I wouldn't have witnessed the chokee attempt to drive his car into the other guys house. Maybe, I wouldn't have called 911, tentative as it was, hating the tremble in my voice and the way my fingers shook ever-so as I depressed the number pad. Maybe the police wouldn't have parked in front of my house after I'd been promised they wouldn't. Maybe the officer wouldn't have rolled his eyes and huffed at me after I told him he was going to the wrong house...

...if if's and but's were candies and nuts...

After that, I headed off to babysit for a friend of my mom's. Her daughter is about 18 months and in that phase where she recognizes the babysitter and subsequently bursts into tears upon laying her pretty blue eyes on me. Actually, once the waterworks stop, she's a pretty good kid - went to bed easily enough. I then embarked on a long, long journey into my psychology textbooks. The days was looking up or at least, was going steady.

Then I locked my keys in my car. With the ignition running. I had to make another SOS call to get my spare keys delivered to me.

On the plus side, I did get to spend time talking with J, Baby Blue's mommy. She's not that much older than me and is currently in the dating game. So, she is excellent to talk to about that sort of stuff. She's actually the only person in my life I feel comfortable enough discussing that sort of thing. She gave me some good advice, I will definately be taking it to heart.

Well, thats my rant of the day.
Off to study now.

XOXO
Elle

I Live!

Sat, 10 Nov 2007 03:59:21 GMT

Yes, I know - many thought I'd fallen off the face of the planet in recent weeks. Sadly, I am still here and being bogged down by life, work and school like the rest of the poor schmoes out there.

Tragically, I missed many, many Zikki-related things, not the least of which was the 50th thread and related celebration. I just want to tell all my Zikki-chickies that I am not a turn-coat and I have not abandon our couple. I have just been distracted by mid-terms and term papers (and, I will admit it, my new found VM obsession distracted me as well.)

I've been promised that we are moving in the new year. I have been told I will have my own apartment in the new house. This is such a relief because I cannot possible life with my brother for another year. He's 15, but everything in our home is always centred around him. Parents say they don't have favourites, but I know, at least in this case, that isn't true. Little bro is what you'd call a slacker - barely passing and even failing some classes, doesn't do homework, puts in a half-assed effort (if any at all) for projects and often at the last minute. Somehow, despite the evidence to the contrary, this has been interpretted to mean he is "gifted". I cannot figure this out. It stung when my parents and brother continued to tell me over and over about said "giftedness". Here I am, the one with an actual work ethic (and no, I don't have an ego, but I have always been a dedicated student and hard worker - with high grades. I have a job, steady, pay for everything I want including university from my own pocket - generally, I think I am a pretty okay individual) and the slacker is gifted? It's like a slap in the face and I feel like it undermines every ounce of hard work I ever executed. I hate that he has to be at the centre of our lives all the time. Every week there is some new drama involving my brother - in the past it has involved the police, suspensions, the police, fights, skipped classes, you name it. And has he ever been punished a single second - no. I realize that I am beginning to sound just like a jealous, petty older sibling, so I'll end the rant now and move on.

Work has been a challenge recently, with our almost-strike and the subsequent changes in the way the office is run. It was tense for a while, a little nerve racking - feeling as though the gullotine is poised to collapse on your livelihood at any moment'll do that to a girl. Fortunately, things are finally looking up. It seems as though this new system may work out well - at least for me. Some of my co-workers are still grumbling, but there'll always be whiners I suppose.

I am, for the first time ever, attending the company Christmas party next weekend. I really wish I wasn't going stag - but more, I wish people would stop telling me it's okay to be going stag - especially given I have never expressed any distress at being dateless. The more people express that I "don't need a man" and "it's okay to be independent" - the more I doubt they actually believe that. Worse yet, a certain co-worker who makes uncomfortable cracks about my only male co-worker taking me to the party. Actually, she continues to push and poke at the two of us - its humilating...and it'll never happen. I'm not good with the XYers to begin with, I have had only 2 male friends since my elementary school days and with her making things all awkward - well, it makes me more uncomfortable than I am naturally. I am positive everyone at work thinks I am either a lesbian or some freak - because I never talk about my romantic life. Granted, I don't have a romantic life to discuss - but gossipers never see the simple explanation.

I was suppose to go to a grand opening of a company last weekend. I was disappointed though, I couldn't go. I was hoping to meet people there - expand my very small social circle. Alas, it wasn't meant to be. Next time I suppose. I have a sort-of intership starting in the new year - my mother predicts I will meet many new people through there - cross your fingers.

There is a certain someone I have my eye on - Blue Eyes we'll call him. He's smart, attractive, intelligent. The problem? I can barely speak when I am near him. No, I don't turn into a bumbling idiot. I just avoid conversation altogether. But gosh, he sure is nice to look at, conversation be damned.

School has been on of the most overwhelming facets of my life lately. I feel like this semester is so compact, with something jammed into every moment. Upcoming weeks are only going to be more intense, I know that. In fact, this weekend will be the start of the cram-jammed period of exams, mid-terms, exams and term-papers that is the end of the semester. Good news? I'll be done by December 13- and have almost an ENTIRE MONTH off - thank goodness!

Well, there it is, the reason behind my recent MIA-status. Now, I've no choice but to return to cyber-nation for another few weeks - at least until December 15 - my day of salvation. Freedom is on the horizon - just hope I can hold out that long.

XOXO
Elle

Thu, 11 Oct 2007 02:49:55 GMT

Cerulean Chocolate

Sat, 06 Oct 2007 05:42:21 GMT

Hi guys! Here is my very first RPF! I hope you enjoy it, though it is incredibly cliche and slightly cheesy. On a more somber note, if people feel that the "incident" depicted in the story isn't treated/reacted to properly - I did base it on something that actually happened to me, so it was at least one real persons real reaction. Now, Onward!!

Hasn't been beta'd, so I'm sorry in advance for typos, spelling errors or funny uses of tense and/or sentence transitions.

Disclaimer - I obviously own nobody in the story.

Cerulean Chocolate

Her stomach was a hard knot as she crossed the darkened parking lot. She could hear the voices and footsteps and forced her self not to turn around and look at them, though she badly wanted to. Fumbling with the key as her hand shook, the lock was released and she quickly re-engaged it the second the door slammed shut. Inhaling deeply, she started the ignition and slid the car into drive, eager to escape jeers and remarks echoing across the behind her.

Every inch of her body tense and alert, she drove to to her apartment with the radio off, only her shaking breathes filling the silence. Finally reaching her building, she escaped to the safety of her home. The chain-lock slid into place with a satisfying click. She entered her bedroom and removed her coat. At a slow, meticulous pace she straightened the books on the nightstand and fluffed her pillows before perching at the end of her bed, not moving again. She sat for a moment, still and silent, and then the tears came. The fear she’d felt washed over her in waves as the sobs racked her small frame. She didn’t know what to do with this feeling, this horrible, helpless feeling.

Time ticked by unobserved by the brunette lost in her emotions until the distinctive scrape of metal against metal shook her from the emotional daze. She heard the knob turn and the door creak as it was opened followed by the thud as the door-opener in question was halted by the chain. Her breath hitched, thinking for one panicked moment it was them at the door, but the voice on the other side quickly dispelled the notion:

“Nik? It’s me – are you in there?” Zac. She’d completely lost track of time, forgetting it was their movie night. It was a tradition they’d started a few months after she’d moved to L.A., following the dissolution of the mouse’ Golden Couple. Tremors shook her body as she stood and tried to gain control of the tears still welling in her eyes. Zac’s voice called again and this time he sounded concerned, if a little agitated. Nikki never engaged the chain.

“Just a minute!” She managed to call back, her voice thick. She swiped a hand over her cheeks and winced at the mascara that glinted off her pale skin. She had no time to freshen up and slip into the cheerfulness she was known for. She wouldn’t be able to hide, not from him. Crossing to the door, she took a steadying breath, forced a grin and prepared to face her best friend and [secret] love.

He allowed her to close the door and was surprised when it reopened that she refused to look at him.

“Hey! Sorry about that. How are you?” As she spoke, she bustled through the apartment into the kitchen, collecting glasses and ice to mix something cool. Azure eyes watched her with curiosity and unease, sensing the discord in her. Her voice was abnormally high, and still she would not turn her brown orbs to meet his own. Following Nikki into the kitchen, Zac stood behind her and placed a hand on her arm, trying to get her to look at him,

“Everything okay, Nik?” He felt the shudder run through her body even as she denied something was wrong.

“Fine.” Her voice was too bright, even for her.

“Nikki.” Her name slipped somberly from his tongue, testifying to his anxiousness. She stilled. Inhaled deeply once. And again. Then she picked up the glasses and moved quickly past him into the living space to the coffee table.

This time, Zac physically halted her, tugging her to the sofa with him at her side. Still, she wouldn’t look at him, staring straight ahead into the blackened TV, not seeing through the tears pricking her eyes. He spoke her name a second time, reaching to cup her face.

“Look at me.” He raised her eyes to his with a tender touch and for the first time since his arrival, blue met brown. The tear stains were visible against her too-pale skin and his concern blossomed to full-blown worry. Nikki’s eyes glistened with unshed tears, brow furrowed in the struggle to keep them at bay, while her lips quivered, holding in her cries.

“Talk to me, please.” She took a heaving breath, and then another.

“I can’t.” Her voice, though soft, was thick with emotion and cut right through him.

“Yes you can.” He pulled her closed, pressing his lips to forehead and she closed her eyes and the first tears slipped down her cheeks. He wiped them away with his thumb and she leaned into his warm palm and the dam broke.

She brought her hand to his shoulder and clawed at his shirt in desperation, trying to find something tangible to hold on to. “I was so afraid, the things they were saying, I didn’t know-” More tears fell in heaving sobs that wracked her frame and Zac gathered her to him, moving beside her on the couch. He stroked her chocolate locks, and cooed softly to her,

“What happened, Nikki? You have to tell me, sweetheart.” She burrowed her face deep into his chest, mumbling incoherently. He asked her to repeat it and in a hiccupping, throaty voice she did.

“At the plaza, a group of men, they were shouting things at me when I went into the video store, and” a hiccup broke the sentence, “and they got in my way when, when I came out.” His thumb stroked over her cheeks as she clutched his wrist tightly.

“They said such horrible things,” her voice was barely a whisper and a shudder washed over her, “that they would do to me. They were laughing. I got away. I ran to the car, but I could hear them laughing and laughing.” She couldn’t continue, pressing her face into his neck and he held her there. He rocked her gently, evaluating the many ways he could locate and slowly kill them men in question.

“Shh.” He continued to make slow circles with his hand on her back, running his fingers through her hair, all the while making soothing sounds as she cried her heart out and he was helpless to stop the tears.

For an eternity, her cries were the only sound until they soften and finally faded to deep, shaky breathes and she pulled away from him, deeply embarrassed. Zac furrowed his brow as she shift further from him on the sofa, polished fingers wiping hastily at the lingering tears they found. She offered him a humble smile.

“I feel so stupid. I’m being dumb. I don’t even know why I’m so upset.” Her eyes flicked between his own and the floor as she rambled, until he could no longer listen to her belittle her genuine (and warranted) fear.

“Stop it!” Her eyes widened and locked on him as he stood. She too rose in unsure response.

“I am not going to stand here and listen to you talk like that about the woman I love who was in a terrifying situation!” He continued on, unaware of the slip that had caused her eyes to triple in size.

“God Nikki! You could have been hurt or, or anything! When I think about those guys I can only imagine hunting each one down and ripping – why are you looking at me like that?” He broke off, finally realizing his companion was staring at him, mouth agape. She blinked,

“Say it again.” She demanded softly. He shook his head at her, annoyed, running a hand through his hair,

“What?! Say what again!? All I’m saying is-” Now his eyes were wide, his already-voiced words catching up to his ears.

“Say it again.” She repeated, stepping towards him, eyes wild. He said nothing. “Zac! You can’t just say something like that and not explain! Did you mean it? ‘Cause it’s pretty unfair of you to leave me hanging like that. I’m mean come on, you had to know I’ve be gone on you since I was 17 and for you to-”

Apparently, reciprocation was all he needed. He pulled her to him and captured her lips in a bruising embrace, pouring everything he felt into it and she responded in turn. His fingers fisted in her hair as hers bit into his waist. His tongue was soft but demanding, slipping between her lips and stroking her own tongue. She was tentative but passionate; there tongues dancing, saying everything words could never express.

The separated, struggling for air, lovesick grins splashed across their faces. She tried to pull back but he held her firmly against his lithe frame, pressing his forehead to hers.

“You have know idea how long I’ve waited to do that.” Her small hand cupped his cheek,

“You have know idea how long I’ve wanted you to do that. What took you so damn long, Efron?”

He smiled his beautiful, crooked smile, but spoke not a word, instead electing to dip his head and reclaims her waiting lips. No, he thought, grinning into her, they were his now. She was his. Finally.

Internet Pals

Wed, 03 Oct 2007 05:06:37 GMT

I just love being able to make friends online! It's alot easier than in person, because you can just be yourself (and if you are freakishly addicted to all things HS, you can find others just like you!) I love all my FF friends - thanks for all the laughs and chats guys - you're just what a girl needs after "a whole lotta ugly from a never ending parade of stupid."
Thanks guys *hugs*

Greetings!

Sun, 30 Sep 2007 22:47:09 GMT

Welcome to my brand new Live Journal! This is very exciting for me; as I know many people with LJ but was sadly not in the club until recently!
I'll post something more interesting next time, I promise!